Our Wonderful English Language.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

There is neither egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is Neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't finger, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?

One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make a mends but not one amend.

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?

Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the Lights are out, they are invisible.

1.We must polish the Polish furniture.
2. He could lead if he would get the lead out.
3. The farm was used to produce produce.
4. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
5. The soldier decided to desert in the desert.
6. It was a good time to present the present.
7. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
8. When shot, the dove dove into the bushes.
9. I did not object to the object.
10. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
11. The bandage was wound around the wound.
12. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13. They were too close to the door to close it.
14. The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15. They sent a sewer down to stitch the tear in the sewer line.
16. To help with the planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18. After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19. When I saw the tear in my clothes, I shed a tear.
20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friends?
22. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line

How about These Miscellaneous Facts about our English Words

  • No word in the English language rhymes with month.
  • Shakespeare invented the word 'assassination' and 'bump'.
  • "Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand.
    With your right, "lollipop.
  • The words 'racecar' and 'kayak' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left.
  • TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
  • "Skepticisms" is the longest word that alternates hands.
  • There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious."
  • Pierre, South Dakota, is the only example of a state and capital in the U.S. that does not share any letters.
  • There is a word in the English language with only one vowel, which occurs five times: "indivisibility."
  • Pinocchio is Italian for "pine eye".
  • The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is "uncopyrightable".
  • The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with.
  • There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
  • "Stewardesses" is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.
  • "I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
  • If you were to spell out numbers, You would have to get to "one Thousand" before you used the letter "A".
Revised 2013 by Larry Gentleman