The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing of one letter, and supply a new definition.

 

Here are the winners:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.


2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.


3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.


4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.


5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.


6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.


7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.


8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.


9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.


10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.


11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)


12. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is, like, sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.


13. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.


14. Glibido: All talk and no action.


15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.


16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance you perform just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.


17. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.


18. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.


Revised 2013 by Larry Gentleman