Great Little Snippets about the Grandchildren

After she applied her lipstick and  started to leave, the little one said, 'But Gramma, you  forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!' I will  probably never put lipstick on again without thinking about  kissing the toilet paper good-bye!! 

My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy  Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him,  '62.' He was quiet for a moment, and then he asked,  'Did you start at 1?' 

After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother  changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to  wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and  more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she  threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room,  putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left  the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling  voice, 'Who was THAT?' 

A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what  her own childhood was like: 'We used to skate outside on  a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree  in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild  raspberries in the woods.' The little girl was  wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, 'I  sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!'

 My grandson was visiting one day when he asked,  'Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?' I  mentally polished my halo and I said, 'No, how are we  alike?'' You're both old,' he replied. 

A little girl was diligently pounding away on her  grandfather's word processor. She told him she was  writing a story. 'What's it about?' he asked.  'I don't know,' she replied. 'I can't  read. 

I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her  colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out  something and ask what color it was. She would tell me and  was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued. At  last she headed for the door, saying, 'Grandma, I think  you should try to figure out some of these yourself!' 

When my grandson Melvin and I entered our vacation  cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep  from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies  followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy  whispered, 'It's no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes  are coming after us with flashlights.'

 When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly  replied, 'I'm not sure.' 'Look in your underwear, Grandpa,' he advised. 'Mine says I'm four to six.' 

A second grader came home from school and said to her  grandmother, 'Grandma, guess what? We learned how to  make babies today.' The grandmother, more than a  little surprised, tried to keep her cool. 'That's interesting,' she said, 'how do you make babies? ''It's simple,' replied the girl. 'You  just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'.' 

Children's Logic: 'Give me a sentence about a public servant,' said a teacher. The small boy wrote:  'The fireman came down the ladder pregnant.' The  teacher took the lad aside to correct him. 'Don't  you know what pregnant means?' she asked.  'Sure,' said the young boy confidently. 'It  means carrying a child.' 

A nursery school teacher was delivering a station  wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed  past. Sitting in the front seat of the truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties.. 'They use him to keep crowds back,' said one child. 'No,' said another,  'He's just for good luck .' A third child brought the argument to a close. 'They use the dogs,' she said firmly, 'to find the fire  hydrants!' 

A 6-YEAR-OLD WAS ASKED WHERE HIS GRANDMA LIVED.  ''OH,'' HE SAID, ''SHE LIVES AT THE AIRPORT, AND WHEN WE WANT HER, WE JUST GO GET HER. THEN WHEN WE'RE DONE HAVING HER VISIT, WE TAKE HER BACK TO THE AIRPORT.'' 

GRANDPA IS THE SMARTEST MAN ON EARTH! HE TEACHES ME GOOD THINGS, BUT I DON'T GET TO SEE HIM ENOUGH TO GET AS SMART AS HIM! 

It's funny when they bend over; you hear gas leaks, and  they blame their dog. 

WHAT IS A GRANDPARENT?
(Taken from papers written by a class of 8-year-olds) 

Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little  children of their own. They like other people's. 

A grandfather is a man and a grandmother is a lady! 

Grandparents don't have to do anything except be there  when we come to see them. They are so old they shouldn't play hard or run. It is good if they drive us to the shops and give us money. 

When they take us for walks, they slow down past things  like pretty leaves and caterpillars. 

They show us and talk to us about the colors of the flowers  and also why we shouldn't step on 'cracks.'

They don't say, "Hurry up." 

Usually grandmothers are fat but not too fat to tie your shoes.. 

They wear glasses and funny underwear. 

They can take their teeth and gums out. 

Grandparents don't have to be smart. 

They have to answer questions like 'Why isn't God married?' and 'How come dogs chase cats?' 

When they read to us, they don't skip. They don't mind if we ask for the same story over again. 

Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if  you don't have television because they are the only grownups who like to spend time with us. 

They know we should have snack time before bed time, and  they say prayers with us and kiss us even when we've  acted bad. 

Revised 2013 by Larry Gentleman